who am i?
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In starting this blog....again!...I have contemplated just what format it should be in and what function it will serve in my life. I figured that it couldn't hurt to share some of these thoughts with you. If not for anything other than maybe a bit of advice or feedback. I found myself in a conversation with a close friend of mine, just the other day, concerning my approach to sensitive details in this blog. I was concerned about sharing too much and yet in maintaining objectivity I had to be honest with myself. I don't have much of a filter on my life. Yet, over the last several months I have been shown that privacy in one's life can be quite a good thing. I have found myself in disagreements with loved ones concerning my lack of restraint and I have spent hours contemplating just how much of this to change about myself.
I have always been a person who doesn't beat around the bush and who prefers brutal honesty over politically correct and elusive banter. But I wasn't always this way! There was a time when you could find me wrapped up into several webs of lies. And I was caught in them more than once! Which is why I am this way today. I will no longer lie...in fact, I choose the opposite...in your face honesty! I am much less concerned about what other people want to hear and much more concerned about what I have to say. That sounds a bit selfish and insensitive maybe, but in fact I think it is a bit of maturity, confidence, & self-worth. I think that I am an intelligent person who has opinions and I shouldn't feel afraid of sharing them. On the other hand...I acknowledge that a compromise should be made...
You should try to avoid finding yourself on one side of a spectrum with certain things in your life. I think it is healthy to have a good balance between too much of something and too little. That is what I am hoping to learn more about in relation to personal privacy.
So why start a personal blog and choose to share parts of your life with both strangers and close friends? It's a writing technigue and a means to stay in touch. Since I live quite far from many of my friends and my family it can get expensive and tedious to repeat the same story over and over again. I want to improve as a writer and see if I can find 'my voice' within words that may open up another avenue in my life. And quite honestly...it is therapeautic in some ways.
I do not want this to be full of rants about past loves, broken hearts, depressive episodes, or bad days...but I also don't want it to be full of surface conversations: the talks that never quite reach any level of deep honesty or intimacy. I am proud of how open and honest I am. I think it is one of my best traits and yet I agree that it can be too much at times within certain contexts. I am hoping to find a healthy balance with all of this and I am hoping that you will see this grow within me as I see it evolve within myself.
I continuously hope to challenge myself in my writing and in some ways challenge you as the reader. I hope that I will make discoveries as the words flow onto the screen and maybe your perspective and opinions will have room to ponder some of what I say. I don't want to sway anyone with my attitudes any more than I want someone to tell me how to live. I just want to find the gifts in keeping it real and opening yourself to others. I just hope that you might find something refreshing and entertaining in my daily doses of mostly naked honesty!